omg wtf lol bbq?

• 01:02 bit.ly/CcONg
  WE LIVE IN THE FUTURE HOLY SHIT #

• 02:33 bit.ly/U8l3L
  holy shut, auto-tuning the news, hilarious #

• 23:37 @xeliselikewhoa you never twitted after your first two, fuck you. #

• 02:55 fucking idiot bit.ly/16rQV9 #

• 03:11 camera guy, you getting this? bit.ly/5E4PU #

• 17:49 do you? doihaveswineflu.org/ #
• 18:42 JURASSIC PARK. DUN DUN, DUN DUN, DUN DUN DUNNNN DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNN.. #

• 17:03 OMG make it stop, its horrible www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKVI2_Dl00Y #

• 20:54 old, but lol bit.ly/4b4wH7 #
• 21:35 First-Ever Nationwide Pro-Marijuana TV Ad Campaign Is Launched in Conjunction with 4/20 (hell yes we can)
  tinyurl.com/ctm2az #norml #
• 21:37 dark gulping is probably the least scientific term i've ever heard www.physorg.com/news159695546.html #
• 21:39 I Ate the Worlds Largest Cheeto Over the World's Most Expensive Keyboard / what the fuck? i.gizmodo.com/5224528 #food #optimusmaximus #
• 21:51 they fought the law and the law won i.gizmodo.com/5216062 #thepiratebay #thepiratebayverdict #

• 20:09 last week update! yesterday: sleep deprivation apparently makes scary movie 3 the funniest movie ever made (at the time). #
• 20:10 Who the fuck at South Park was thinking of new episode ideas and goes "let's make an episode about queefing?" What the fuck/. #
• 20:13 last week: Quiznos poisoned me and katie. We split a $4 sub and had terrible diarrhea the rest of the night. It was good, though. #
• 20:14 played dodgeball at the gym and got BELTED in the face, bending my glasses. Fuck that guy! . #

• 18:41 watching Area5's coop. downloading world of goo. got an A on my other midterm / slept through The Bible. #

• 17:58 drove to newpaltz. got here, dorms were closed. was basically homeless. sean visited and i slept over ryan and bobbys. teh fun. #
• 17:59 sent my 360 away. started watching kings. got back two essays, two As. #
• 17:59 also, my bitch knows how to make a sandwich. #

First, the random tidbits. Something 'not terrible' happened while in Florida, so I guess it wasn't a total waste, although I still hate this fucking state-- I tried fried alligator today, which, while cliched, actually did taste like a slightly fishier version of chicken. I didn't have an actual desire to eat alligator, I just wanted to try it to say that I had. I also tried sashimi, which, and I'm probably getting this horribly wrong, is a variation of sushi (it tasted like sushi without the rice). Raw slices of tuna, salmon, wahu (sp?), shrip, and two california rolls. Mmmm!

I also saw a few movies that I won't be reviewing, because they're pretty old, including American Beauty (which, if I rated it, I would have given a 8/10), India Jones & the Temple of Doom (which I saw for the first time in anticipation of the sequel, and which I would've given a 7), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (which I also saw for the first time in preparation for Indy 4, and which I would've given a 4/10), Turistas (6/10), The Lake House (because NOTHING ELSE was on & I was bored, and which I would have given a 3/10 for shitty time travel logic), a few other movies that I don't recall at the moment, and I am about to watch The Hills Have Eyes 2 (I'll probably edit this post to add movies I remember seeing and a hypothetical rating for THHE2).

I also read THREE books in eight days, which I will be reviewing (only one book review today, however). I don't know how I had time to read 3 books, watch 6+ movies, and watch countless episodes of Spongebob.... OH WAIT. I know how. I didn't do jack shit else.

I don't know why I write these reviews--does anyone read them? Actually, I don't care-- I enjoy writing them. So here goes:

Iron Man (9/10)

I actually liked Iron Man quite a bit, and think that it is one of the better super hero movies out there (Batman Begins, Spiderman 2, and the first X-men were better, but there's many more super hero movies than just those). It has a lot of things that I feel super hero movies lack.

Its focus is not entirely on action. It is not quick paced or quickly edited like a lot of super hero movies, but instead, takes its time. Stark spends almost 45 minutes in Afghanistan.  He doesn't get a finished suit until over an hour in, and the name "Iron Man" isn't even used until the movie's final minutes. It really is a slow moving movie, which was refreshing. My friend Tim doesn't agree, but all I can say is: Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.

A huge problem that I have with super heroes (in movies) is that they are very small minded. Batman, Spiderman, Superman; they all save citizens in their respective cities, but seriously? You can fucking fly and you're helping little old ladies with their purses? What about the people dying over seas, man!?

But Iron Man takes care of fucking business. He's blowing up shit in the Middle East, saving poor villages from terrorists. Truly badass.

The "main villian" is a little bit of a letdown, but the final fight is great. The special effects are spectacular, the acting ranges from solid to pretty good, the fight scenes are well choreographed. I had few problems with it, but it was an enjoyable experience.

Samuel Jackson deserved better than just a cameo, though.

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (7/10)

Solid experience, but it doesn't deserve that lengthy of an review. I wish I had seen it high (I didn't, but I guarantee that it would have been much funnier if I had).

If you can accept that this movie will be really stupid and incredibly racist, and you liked the first one, then you'll like the second.

Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls (8/10)

I know a few people that really hated this movie, and I knew a few people that liked it. As for me, I'm one of the latter. And you know why? 

Cuz Haririson Ford is still fuckin' Indiana Jones, baby.

And it would have been easy for him to phone it in. Ford has been in a string of terrible movies lately-- Firewall, anyone? He's old, and doesnt' know how to pick a script. But he can still pull Indy off, and he can do it well.

From the moment he picks up that fucking hat, you know it's him. He slips into that role like a fucking glove. And it's refreshing. I believe that Ford can do what Indy does in Crystal Skull a lot more than I can believe that Willis can do what John McClane does (although Stallone still kicks ass as Rambo). Of the recent 'resurrections' of old franchises, I think Crystal Skull is the best (although I enjoyed Rambo more, but all that is is gore porn, really).

I'm sure you've read all the good things about Crystal Skull. The great acting (around the board-- Ford is great, La Boef(?) is pretty good, and the return of Marion is awesome). The fight scenes, when they happen, are fucking awesome. It's better than Last Crusade (at least in my book). The motorcycle chase. THE FIRE ANTS. But you've heard all that. So time for the problems I had with it.

Too. Much. CGI. My biggest problem. All of the stunt work in the movie, when it happens, is phenomenal. But when you resort to overdone CGI, I never feel like the characters are in any real danger. Cmon-- a fucking atomic bomb test? And Ford gets into a fridge and gets blown like a mile away? That's fucking RIDICULOUS, and not in a good way.

The tarzan scene was far too much. Too much exposition. The little "hint" at the end to a future spin-off with Mutt's character. When you finally see the alien at the end... overkill. Originally, I thought the "aliens" plot was a little too out-there-- but what about an ark that melts Nazi's faces? Human sacrifice for sacred stones? The holy grail!? The only difference here is that it isn't a religious artifact.

I honestly don't think that Lucas knows why we like his movies. The Star Wars prequels suck, end of story. Lucas-- did you think we liked Indy for the story? Fuck no! We loved the golden idol, the whip scenes, how he never loses his hat. Skip the exposition and get back to the chases, jesus.

But, I still enjoyed the shit out of it. I was just happy that it was an Indy film. Now, I wait for the inevitable spinoff.

Child of God (10/10)

I didn't believe critics when I heard them say that McCarthy is our greatest living writer. The greatest writer of the latter half of the 20th century. Yeah, I had read The Road and No Country for Old Men, and I liked them, but what was the big deal?

I retract my criticism. McCarthy is now my favorite author (in front of Stephen King and Chuck Palahniuk, which all my friends know were my previous two favorite authors, respectively).

I don't want to say anything in fear of spoiling Child of God. Anything you want to know can be taken from the Amazon.com description. It's essentially a look into the mind of a very depraved man through several weeks of his life.

And I loved every second of it. I initially hated McCarthy's writing style, but now I can't get enough of it. 

--------------
I'll get some more reviews out later in the week: Fast Food Nation, Rant, Boomsday, Walk Hard. Maybe I'll review GH 2/3 and Rock Band, because I've finally played enough of both of them to review. Hopefully, I can finish GTA 4 by next week and review that... it'll be a 10/10, unless the ending sucks terribly (I'm, already 20 hours in, pretty near the end).

I'm coming home tomorrow. I miss Long Isl(I never thought I'd say that), but I miss New Paltz more. Just waiting til the fall, I guess.

I know that I've all but disappeared off the face of the Earth, but no, I'm not dead. I'm just in Florida, which means that I'd rather be dead.

• It's fucking hot. It's been in the mid-ninties since I've been here. It's so hot, that as soon as I walk outside, the glare coming off of the asphalt is already giving me a headache. The humidity is between 80%-90%, and I'm at the point where I want to kill myself because it's just way. too. fucking. hot.
• There's bugs everywhere. Fuck that, the bugs are not even part of the problem at this point. There are lizards everywhere. They like humans, for some reason. Oh, they'll jump on ya.
• I'm on dial-up. It took me two hours to download the AIM installer (it's only 13mb), and it took me over 10 minutes to get to this page to update my livejournal. God only knows how long it'll take for the entry to go through.
• It's boring as shit. For some reason, my parents consider this vacaton. I've been here for 3-4 days and all I've done is watch TV. I love my grandma and all, but her house is not a vacation spot.
• IT'S LIKE THE FOURTEENTH LAYER OF HELL HERE. I HATE THE HEAT. ARRGHH.

The only good thing is that I've finished Child of God by Cormac McCarthy, and I feel sort of dirty. I don't know whether to cry, vomit, and curl into a fetal position, or declare that McCarthy is now my favorite writer. Maybe both. The book is that grotesque. 

I have over 8 things to review, but I'll get to that when I get home. For now, I'm just going to watch futurama and sweat. Because it's that fucking hot here.